Little Superior Dude
by AyanamiEraclea
Summary: Xigbar's nickname for the result of Demyx getting revenge on Xemnas. Xemnas was a very strange 13 year old, a bit like Demyx himself. Rated for loads of swears.
1. Demyx and His Horrible, Bloody Revenge!

It's a crack fic. Yeah. I made it up a long long long time ago. So here it is.

Chapter 1

Demyx And His Horrible, Bloody Revenge!

"I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves. I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and this is how it goes." Demyx's neck was extremely long, Saix noticed bitterly. He was actually able to lean over around Axel and whisper said song into his ear. About a billion and one FUCKING times. Saix had turned to him once, quickly, while the Superior was addressing Larxene on her...well, slutty behavior, claiming to have bedded everyone on Destiny Island that would pay her.  
"Shut up."

"No."

"Why don't you bother Axel or Marluxia or Luxord?"

"Because Axel's my friend, Marluxia will try to kiss me, and Luxord'll steal my money for gambling. Remember last time?" Saix turned back around and the singing continued.

Finally, after three FUCKING hours at the meeting, Saix had had enough.

And thus he went berserk on Demyx.

"MUST KILL THE MULLET MAN!"

"SHIT! SOMEONE FUCKING HELP ME!" Demyx and Saix were running through the halls of Castle Oblivion, Saix leaving destruction in his path. Finally, after about an hour and a half of merciless destruction and Demyx and Saix screaming bloody murder, Xemnas was able to calm Saix down. He turned to Demyx and glared.

"My office. Now."

"Since when do you have an office?"

"Since loud, obnoxious teenagers came into the Organization and started pissing me off. Follow me." Demyx looked pleadingly at Axel and Axel looked at him like he was crazy.

"Fine." He hung his head and followed Xemnas down to a room at the end of the hallway.

"Damn, and you had me believing you had an office." Demyx said pointedly.

"Shut up. You'd believe anything. In." Xemnas was not a happy camper.

Then again, he never was. He couldn't be. Demyx stood. Xemnas pointed to a chair.

"Sit." Demyx sat on the chair and Xemnas sat on his bed facing the chair.

"So."

"So." Demyx repeated.

"I believe a punishment is in order. What you did was totally unacceptable."

"What about Saix? He's the one who let it get to him!"

"You provoked him."

"So, he's off scot free?"

"Yes." Demyx was now pissed off.

"It's just because you and he are fucking is why." Xemnas grabbed Demyx by the shirt.

"And now you want to fuck me, too." He said with a grin. Well, that didn't sit too well with Mr. Superior, so he threw Demyx across the room. Demyx crashed against the wall and cut his arm.

"What the hell was that for, Xemnas? Are you crazy?" Xemnas didn't answer. He just picked Demyx up by the shirt again.

"I think some time isolated in your room WITHOUT music and WITHOUT your sitar. I'll let you out when I see fit, and then I'll send you on some missions."

"Not if I kick your ass first." Xemnas laughed.

"Yeah, like that's going to happen. Perhaps this'll knock some sense into you and get you to BEHAVE. Dissmissed!" Demyx left to go find Axel. Axel was standing outside his room, located next to Demyx's. When Axel saw him, he ran over.

"So, what did the Evil One do?"

"Solitary confinement followed by community service." Axel winced.

"Damn. That bad, huh?"

"Yup." Axel sighed.

"Dude. We cannot let that happen. We must destroy. Let's go to Vexy's lab thing." The two of them sneaked down. They were suddenly surrounded by test tubes, strange vials filled with equally strange liquid.

"Take it all?" Demyx asked, turning to Axel.

"Yup." The two grabbed as much as they could carry and opened a portal back to Demyx's room.

"M'kay. We'll put a little bit of each in one vial and put it in whatever Xemnas is eating this evening." They did so.

That night, at the dinner table, they tried hard not to laugh after each bite Xemnas took.

"What's so funny?" Marluxia asked. Demyx turned to Axel.

"Betcha fifteen munny that it turns him straight and Marluxia and Saix throw another little bitch fit." They both cracked.

"Dammit, Demyx, I thought I taught you a lesson!" Xemnas yelled, pounding his fist on the table. Saix smirked. Demyx went beyond cocky at this point.

"I think your bitch likes how dominant you act, Mr. Superior, sir." Giggles erupted from some of the members.

"THAT IS IT! I AM THROWING YOU OFF THE TOP FLOOR OF CASTLE OBLIVION, YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Xemnas screamed, standing. Then he got this funny look on his face.

"On second thought, I'll let Saix handle you. I'm retiring early tonight. I am not feeling too well." Demyx and Axel waited for him to leave, then looked at each other and high-fived.

"W00T!" They cried. Saix glared.

"What did you do to him?"

"What, worried about your lover, Mr. Elf man..."

"What in the HELL did you do?" Vexen finally came up from his lab.

"I think I know what they did. I just don't know how it'll affect Xemnas."

"Don't tell me that they..." Marluxia started.

"They took most of my chemicals and probably mixed them. Problem is, my memory isn't doing me any good lately, and I don't know what they took." Saix turned back Axel and Demyx.

"Is this true? Remember, I might go easier on you if you tell the truth." Axel turned to Demyx. Everyone looked at them.

"It's not like you can do anything about it." Demyx said with a grin.

"WHAT?" Everyone cried. Saix rubbed his temples.

"Go."

"But what about..."

"Just GO." They obliged.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Carson Davis thought he was waking up in his bed. He got up, ran to the bathroom, brushed his teeth, and went downstairs to drink out of the milk carton and eat out of the cereal box. Same routine every morning. Then he'd get dressed and go to school and do something to get him into detention for the tenth consecutive week. Eighth grade was hard on a guy, you know? When he walked downstairs, he started walking down the halls.

Then his brain actually woke up and he realized he wasn't in his house.

"Holy shit! We ain't in Kansas anymore, dude." Carson ran his fingers through his silvery hair that his mom killed him for dying.

"Where the hell am I?" He asked himself, amazed. He started back down the hallway until he found an open door to a kitchen.

"Food!" He exclaimed, and he walked right in.

Well, he didn't count on Xigbar to be in there doing what was on HIS agenda for the morning.

"Dude, can I have a turn?"

"Sure, little dude." He looked up.

"HOLY SHIT! WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? HOW DID YOU GET IN? ARE YOU A FRIEND OF SORA'S OR SOMETHING?" Carson blinked.

"Uh, no. My name's Carson Davis. I don't know how I got in. I know I'm not dreaming, though. I just went to bed last night, and BOOM! I'm in the land of black-cloaked, eyepatch people. Who the hell is Sora?" Xigbar blinked.

"Dude. Dude. Dude. How did...? Who could...? This place doesn't even EXIST..." Then he looked Carson up and down and this, my friends, is when he finally got it.

"XEMNAS! HOLY CRAP! LITTLE SUPERIOR DUDE!"

"What the hell? Are you mental or something?"

"Dude. You don't remember becoming a Nobody?"

"Nope. A Nobody? Dude, I'm one of the most popular guys in the eighth grade at Pierce Middle School." Xigbar thought.

"Wait, what year is it, little Superior dude?"

"1991." Xigbar stuck his head out the door.

"MEETING!" Carson spied the gun-arrows.

"Cool! Weapons!"

"DON'T TOUCH THOSE!" A tired looking group of people, all wearing black pajamas, arrived at the kitchen.

"What's going on?" Vexen asked sharply. His eyes fell upon Carson. Carson stood, adorned in a T Shirt and boxer shorts.

"Um, what's with you people and black? Black's depressing." Saix's head appeared from the back of the group.

"Where's Xemnas?" Everyone started babbling.

"Yeah, that's what I would like to know." Vexen said. Everyone looked at Carson and immediately got it.

"Oh, my God." Marluxia said, turning to Demyx and Axel.

"Look what you guys did."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o--oo-o-o--oo-

I know. Crap. The next chapter might be better. REVIEW! And flames will be used to burn Amanda's house down.


	2. Nirvana and Rocky Horror Picture Show

Well, just finished chapter 1, now to go on to chapter two.

Chapter 2

Nirvana and Rocky Picture Horror Show

"Dude. Look what they did. Saix, you're gonna throw a bitch fit when you hear this..." Xigbar said, astonished. Saix had obviously not seen "Little Superior Dude" yet.

"Let me see!" He cried. He took a few steps forward.

"DUDE! An ELF! Just like in that book I was reading...now what was it...OH YEAH! Lord of the Rings!" Carson/Little Superior Dude/Little Xemnas exclaimed. Demyx and Axel grinned. Saix's eye twitched.

"Um, no. I'm not." He turned to Demyx and Axel and glared. "I'm gonna kill you two."

"Hey, kid, how old are you?" Demyx asked.

"I'm thirteen, dude."

"If it's 2006 right now and last night you were 28, then you think it's 1991."

"It's 2006? Is this the future of the United States? WHERE THE HELL AM I?" Vexen sighed.

"Kids."

"Shut up, Vexen. Help the poor kid out." Larxene said sweetly.

"You're in Castle Oblivion, hon. In the World That Never Was." Larxene thought that the kid was dumb enough to just let it go and believe it.

"Wait a minute, if this is the World That Never Was, how are we here? It wouldn't have been created if it never was, would it now, HON?" They were amazed.

"Um, don't worry about it." Vexen said.

"Whatever." Carson said, examining his fingernails. "So, who are you people?"

"Organization 13." Well, Carson had to be a smart ass and count them.

"I only count eleven."

"Well, um, one of them is away and...WHERE THE HELL IS LUXORD?" Saix exclaimed.

"Now, now, Mr. Elf, don't go insane..." Carson said.

"I AM NOT AN ELF!" Demyx and Axel were laughing. They walked up behind Carson.

"This kid's the shit. Let's go find Luxord." They found Luxord playing poker with himself.

"'Ello, all." Xigbar blinked.

"Dude, I told you there was a meeting."

"Well, where's Superior? Last I checked, you were number 2, Xigbar."

"WOW! POKER!" Carson exclaimed. Luxord had just noticed him.

"Who's the kid?"

"Remember last night when these idiots pissed Saix off to the point that he went berserk? Well, apparently Demyx wanted revenge and he got it. This is Xemnas as a kid, I guess."

"A kid?" Roxas popped up from behind. "Wow, someone younger than me finally." Carson tried to sneak out.

"HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?" Vexen yelled.

"I'm bored. Is there anything fun around here?" He asked, rocking on his feet.

"We need to find you some clothes. You're pretty tall. Roxas may have something for you." Vexen replied, clearly annoyed.

"Then he's coming up to my room." Demyx said.

"Cool. Do you have cool stuff there?"

"I have an endless CD collection."

"SWEET!" Saix grabbed Carson's arm, which didn't sit too well with him.

"HEY! GET OFF! RAPE! RAPE!"

"Hold still!"

"AN ELF IS RAPING ME! HEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!"

"I AM NOT AN ELF AND I'M NOT RAPING YOU!" Before Saix could go UBER berserk on Carson, Demyx quickly opened up a portal to Roxas's room and pulled Carson through with him. Axel and Roxas followed.

"Dude. I feel like I got sucked up by a giant vaccuum cleaner. That was the shit." Carson was rendered unable to walked straight for several seconds.

"M'kay." Roxas said, opening his closet. "My clothes are right here. Not much to choose from, though." Carson frowned at the black.

"Nah, that's OK...I'll just wear these."

"OK. I'll wash them."

And thus a huge wave threw Carson across the room after Demyx...well, you know.

"That is so cool. I wish I could do stuff like that."

"Well, they're washed. At least put the pants on." Roxas said.

"It gets hella cold in here, right Axel?"

"Vexen's an idiot...but anyway, I'm Axel. A-X-E-L. Commit it to memory."

"Already done, dude." Demyx stepped beside him.

"My name's Demyx. I cause trouble. A HELL of a lot of trouble." Roxas in turn stepped beside Demyx.

"I'm Roxas. I help these two cause as much trouble as possible without having Saix go berserk." Carson high-fived all three.

"Well, I'm Carson Davis. I get detention every week and I like to skateboard. I'm also awaiting the new Nirvana CD." Demyx smirked.

"It's called Nevermind, right?" He asked as Carson put Roxas's spare pants on.

"Yup. Wait a minute...you have it, don't you?" Demyx laughed.

"Of course." He led the two of them to his room and opened the closet. Half of the closet was consumed by a massive CD case which Demyx flipped through for an hour. While Demyx was flipping, they talked.

"So what does Organization 13 do?"

"Um...well...you see..." Axel started.

"We don't have hearts." Roxas said quietly.

"Oooh, is this an issue we wish not to discuss?" Carson said apologetically.

"Well, we'll tell you the basics. A Heartless is the heart left behind, and a Nobody is the empty shell of that heart. We're all Nobodies." Axel explained quickly.

"Oh. So, what's the deal with the Elf man?"

"Ah, Saix? Well, you see, you're actually twenty-eight, right? So I went and annoyed him to the point where he went berserk on my ass and you punished me. So I THINK me and Axel turned you into a kid. But before...well, I think Saix WANTS you." Carson LITERALLY gagged.

"EW!"

"I know. Found it." He put it in the huge stereo next to his bed.

"Let's listen to Smells Like Teen Spirit."

After the song was over, Carson spied a video on the floor next to the closet.

"Dude. Is that what I think it is?"

"What, the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Pretty much the best movie ever." Axel said. "Not that I'm gay." He added quickly.

"Me too. My friends and I love that movie. We know it's a classic, but hey, sometimes oldies are goodies."

Thus Demyx put the tape in his VCR and they watched it.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"We've got to do something about this." Xaldin said. "I don't want him into our weapons. Bad things happen when teenage boys get pointy weapons. Vexen, do you know how to fix this?"

"I don't even know what they did yet." Zexion smirked.

"Well, get to it, old man, because if they even THINK about trashing my room, I'll seriously kill you." Xigbar turned to him.

"Well, Emo Dude..."

"Stop calling me that."

"FINE. Number XI, we all need to work on this one." Vexen pouted.

"And I'm not old."

"Well, I'm not an elf, but that doesn't stop them, does it?" Saix said with a sigh.

"I personally like this Superior better. He likes poker. Kids bet lots. I say keep him so I get rich." Luxord said. Marluxia yawned.

"Luxord, do us all a favor."

"And what would that be, mate?"

"Shut up."

"Make me."

"I will, CUSTARD MAN..."

"ENOUGH!" A shriek ran through the meeting room. Larxene stood. "I am the only woman here, therefore the smartest one."

"Slut." Marluxia muttered.

"Oh, please, Marluxia, you probably like the new Superior better because he's easier to rape. After all, you are the GAYful Assasain."

"DAMMIT, LARXENE! I'M GONNA FRIGGIN KILL YOU!"

"With what, Petal Boy, a watering can?" Saix sighed.

"Y'know, it'd be a lot easier if Superior were here and he broke up our arguements." Vexen glared.

"Well, sorry to hear your lover's gone, Saix, but right now he's a 13 year old that Demyx and Axel are gonna mold into their next little gang member. They're probably upstairs teaching him how to make a cherry bomb."

"HE IS NOT MY LOVER!"

Zexion sighed.

Sometimes the Organization could be a pain in the ass, he thought.

With or without Xemnas.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

This one's probably a bit shorter than the last one, but hey, we can't all predict how long it's gonna be. I liked how I got three reviews in one hour for this. KEEP IT GOING, BABY! I thank my reviewers.


	3. Sexy Zexy of Emo World

Figured that if I stopped writing this, less people would see it considering how many KH fics come up in an hour. By the way, I don't own anything that was in the last two chapter.

Chapter 3

Sexy Zexy of Emo World

When the movie was over, the guys had an insane urge to go prank someone to death.

It just happened to be that the lucky winner was Zexion.

"So, what do you want to do?" Demyx asked everyone.

"We could steal his hair gel." Roxas suggested. Axel shrugged it off.

"Nah, that's a baby prank. We gotta find a MEGA prank. A LEXAEUS sized prank."

"I have an idea. I did this to my sister." Carson piped up. "How about we spray paint stuff on his door, put stickers all over it, then go in and trash his room..." The others looked at him like he was a god.

"This Xemnas is DEFINATELY staying." Axel said, eyes wide as saucers.

"Could you stop calling me that? My name's Carson."

"Sure. But dude, that's an awesome prank. You know how private and shit Zexion is. Let's go."

The gang gathered all of the prank material they could find and headed down the hallway.

"I'm stealthy. Countless times did I sneak out of Study Hall last year without getting caught. I'll go check if he's there." Carson said, slipping off his sneakers. He walked on his heels over to the door and peered inside.

"All clear." He whispered. Demyx walked over and closed the door softly. He took out a pink spray paint can. "I'll be in charge of the door." He said, taking out the stickers, tape, glue, and toilet paper.

"Axel, you'll be in charge of sticking THESE BABIES on his desk." Demyx continued, handing him scented candles with all sorts of wacky scents, bought especially for pranks on Zexion.

"Dude, Zexion's gonna be screwed for weeks on end."

"Exactly." He turned to Roxas.

"Shuffle all of the papers and throw some on the floor. Just totally mess up the room. Zexion's such a prank and neat freak he might stick a gun barrel in his mouth." Roxas saluted him.

"Yes, sir!"

Finally, Demyx turned to Carson. "You get the most important job of putting the stickers all over the wall and painting a rainbow on it. Under the rainbow I want you to paint, in pink, "Zexy loves Vexy" and come back to the room when your done." Carson took the cans of paint into the room and started painting. When all was done, they heard footsteps and took one last look at the room. Demyx had put those fifty cent stickers on Zexion's door that said things like "100 devil" and "Angel Baby" and other such things, along with spray painting "Sexy Zexy of Emo World's Room" underneath in pink.

The scented candles had been lighted and carefully put on the desk and bed. "Roxas, with any luck we'll set his bed on fire." Demyx said. "You've done well. Now, let's see what our apprentice did."

Not only did the wall have the rainbow and declaration of love, but Carson had painted other rude material as well.

"You use your time well. I'm impressed." Axel said with a nod.

"Well, I didn't lose two weeks without seeing the light of day after school for nothing." Carson slipped his shoes off again.

"The sound a girl makes when her room is vandalized like this is a scream at 120 decibles. Therefore, I have concluded that the scream a guy makes would be around 135-140." He explained.

"Unless you want your eardrum blown to bits, I would go before the guy gets here." The others slipped of their boots and left just in time.

About 0.6 seconds later, they heard a scream from down the hallway.

"DEMYX! I'M GONNA FRIGGIN KILL YOU!" Zexion had appeared at the end of the hallway they were in, sort-of gliding towards them.

"RING WRAITH! EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!" Carson screamed. The boys ran down the hall a bit further to Axel's room and slammed the door. Axel put six locks on it and they heard Zexion's pitter-patter of footsteps.

"I bet you think that just because your door's locked, I can't get in. Well, just know that each of the original six members of the Organization have copies of each key belonging to the last seven. So I just need to go get your key from Xigbar." He said sinisterly. The boys were fearful.

"Dude...he may be a Ring Wraith in disguise...he has that VOICE..." Carson said.

"Chill. So long as they don't have a leader, they can't really do anything about it." Demyx said calmly.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Zexion kicked Xigbar's door off the hinges.

"What the hell, man? I was, like, doing something!" Xigbar said, clearly offended.

"Quiet. I need the key to Axel's room." Xigbar shook his head.

"No can do, dude. Only the superior has the right to grant access to keys."

"Well, the superior's not here right now, dumb ass! You were the first one to actually see him like that."

"Well, then we need a new superior."

"Dammit, Xigbar."

Thus they went into a meeting.

Catastrophe has entered the building. Zexion left, claiming that he had to go clean his room and his brain might go into an overload because of all of the scented candles. Then when he got back to his room, he discovered that his bed was on fire and screaming could be heard from down the hall. Vexen had finally taken it upon himself to decide to tranquilize him, then saw what was on the wall.

"Zexy loves Vexy?" Vexen sighed.

"I hate teenagers." He quickly put out all of the scented candles and the bed, which didn't suffer much damage. Then the meeting actually began.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Well, I think I should be the Temporary Superior Dude, because I'm like 2nd in command."

"That makes sense." Xaldin said. "Makes total sense." Vexen sighed.

"Yeah, like I want Mr. Surfer Pirate Man in command of the Organization. I'm oldest. I'll do it." He said.

"Um, no. Xemnas likes me best. Therefore, I think..." Saix started. Marluxia cleared his throat, cutting him off.

"Actually, he doesn't right now. I say that because I actually own the castle and I can kick all of you out, it should be me." Larxene kicked him.

"No. Men should not rule all the time! I say that..."

"You're a slut? Yeah, we figured that already." Saix said with a yawn.

"YOU WANNA GO, ELF?" Larxene took out some knives. Luxord stood.

"Well, how would it be if we let the kid do it?"

"CATASTROPHIC!" Everyone said unanimously. And thus everyone got into a fight. Luxord sighed.

"No one ever listens to me."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Yeah, it's a bit shorter than the other two chapters, but there'll probably be more next chapter.


	4. Finding Emo

Well, I'm CERTAINLY on a roll. See, reviews motivate me to finish stories. So yeah. Here's chapter 4. Side note: Luxord's name is Custard Man because...well, my sister thought Luxord sounded like custard and she thus dubbed him Custard Man. She's eleven and doesn't like Kingdom Hearts anyway...

Chapter 4

Finding Emo

A few days later, Vexen still hadn't found an antidote and the Organization was in total ruin. Demyx's "apprentice" was now just a regular member of the gang and Zexion was sick and had temporarily lost his sense of smell PERIOD. But here's the thing...

"Has anyone see Zexion lately?" Larxene asked in a worried tone.

"Hm. As a matter of fact, I haven't seen Zexion since the four of them trashed his room." Vexen said thoughtfully.

"He'll be fine." Marluxia said with a yawn. Larxene frowned.

"We're missing a member of the Organization and you're not worried in the slightest."

"Well, considering that MY castle's been turned into an indoor skate park, our leader's been turned into a 13 year old vandal that's been molded by our most troublesome members, and we've been overrun by rock music and the Rocky Horror Picture Show, I'd say that's the LEAST of our problems." Suddenly the gang slid over to the group in their socks.

"We know where Emo Boy is!" Axel declared.

"Yup!" Roxas said happily.

"Carson figured it out!" Demyx said, patting Carson on the back.

"All you need is a blacklight and a way to pick a lock. Here's your hairpin, Larx." Carson explained, taking it out of his own silver hair and pressing it into her hand.

"He left a note." Demyx took it out of his pocket.

_Everyone who actually cares-_

_I have had it with this fucking madness. No one treats me with any respect despite the fact that I was one of the original six. The room thing and my nose was the LAST FUCKING STRAW. I'm gonna go somewhere and cut myself into little pieces. I'm putting my location in the Post Script, but you'll need a blacklight to find it, and considering Mullet Boy threw the blacklight out the window so no one could read him and Axel's private note, no one will know where to find me until it's too late._

_-Number VI, and no one FUCKING forget that, Zexion_

_P.S._

The P.S. was written in white ink. Carson took out a blacklight pen.

"I carry two things with me. My arm band and my blacklight." He put the blacklight on and read the rest.

_Right outside the castle shifted into a squirrel, you fucking MORONS._

"Well, that settles that." Vexen walked outside.

"Uh-oh. There's more."

_But just in case one of you has the audacity to go and find the blacklight, the above location is false._

Vexen came back in. "Well, I don't see a dead squirrel anywhere."

"HOLY CRAP! ZEXION'S OUTSIDE BLEEDING LOADS, DUDE! DUDE, SERIOUSLY, HE'S LIKE GONNA DIE OR SOMETHING!"

"Little liar." Carson muttered. Vexen sighed.

"I'll get him." He walked outside and dragged the silver-haired emotionally disturbed teen into the castle.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"Dammit. Mind games don't work if your mind's fucked up." Zexion muttered, looking at his arm, all bandaged up.

"I'm so pissed off right now." Demyx's head popped in the door.

"You can't escape us. Got it?" He said.

"I'll get you back, I'll promise you that. As soon as Vexen finishes that DAMN antidote, I'll report this all to Xemnas."

"Oh, yeah? What'll happen when I tell him he ACTUALLY DID IT."

"Then I'll just tell him why he was a thirteen year old all this time."

"Go ahead." Demyx was secretly fearful.

Zexion could do things.

SCARY things.

I know what you're thinking. How short. Well, I have serious writer's block on this chapter.

Next chapter will be longer and better.


	5. EUREKA! The Antidote FOUND!

Well, an authority figure in my house found out about the other fic I was writing, so I guess I'm gonna keep writing this, I guess. Although I am getting a legal name change to Alice Catherine Meridian, or Lissa for short, it is not my real name although the character is essentially me and I'm the head of the CSSN, a secret group. For more information, see the links in the profile.

Chapter 5

EUREKA! The Antidote FOUND!

Vexen walked into the next makeshift meeting grinning. "Why the hell are YOU in such a good mood?" Marluxia asked bitterly.

"Guess what I have? But I guess if you're gonna be mean to me..." He held up a vial. Marluxia jumped up.

"GET HIM, STEROID MAN!" Lexaeus blinked.

"Uh, no." Marluxia frowned. Vexen laughed.

"Kidding. Now I say we slip it into his food."

Little did they know, the boys had taken up spying.

"UH-UH! I AIN'T EATING!" Carson said. Demyx glared at the screen.

"You're mine, stupid bastard. You wouldn't TOUCH this kid."

And so Carson and the gang hid all of the food in the house and gave out rations. Problem solved.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"By force?" Xaldin suggested at the next meeting.

Thus Saix burst into Axel's room at complete random. Carson took out a can of gasoline and poured it over him. "DIE, CRAZY ELF MAN!" He yelled as Saix screamed in pain. Axel thus set Saix on fire and...well, the end result wasn't pretty. After Demyx had finally put him out, he went UBER INSANE BERSERK on Carson and chased him through the Castle only to be shot with a tranquilizer. Roxas picked up the vial and handed it to Axel.

"Well, that stupid plan didn't work." He said with a laugh and they high-fived.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I have one more plan. Remember the Izas of the CSSN? The Ria Twins?" Vexen suggested.

"They died." Zexion informed him.

"Really? I was going to ask if we could borrow the little girl. The old Captain? She's Iza now, I guess, and would be around Carson's age?"

"She'll be thirteen next month. I guess she'll work." Zexion said. "I heard she turned into a real pain in the ass."

"So it's settled. Alice Meridian will arrive soon."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

A few days there was a knock on the door and Carson opened it up. His eyes widened.

"Wow. Meet my new brunette choice." He said suavely. The girl's eyes got angry and Carson could see just a flicker of orange before she kicked him where the sun don't shine and he was suddenly on the ground.

"I don't like men who think they own women. You must be Carson. I remember when you were Xehanort. You were SO FREAKING ANNOYING. Almost as annoying as Braig was. Only Braig was cooler." Vexen walked up to the girl and Carson.

"You started already?" He sighed.

"Of course, Vexen. Do you think I haven't forgotten that this is really Xehanort? Or FUCKING XEMNAS SUPERIOR...like he acts superior and all...I swear to God if I weren't Iza and needed to keep an image..." Xigbar ran down the hallway.

"LISSA! DUDE, HOW'S IT BEEN?"

"Hey, Xigbar! So so far I've seen the Old Man, the Little Girl Teaser, and my role model. Where's Emo Boy?" Zexion stood.

"Oh sweet Jesus, you're still alive!" She said with a giggle. "And Lexaeus? Remember when I had that insane party and he was a bouncer? And Xaldin...God we did so much stuff...Ansem was so furious." Xigbar laughed.

"Yeah...dude, so what've you been doing besides leading the CSSN?"

"Not much else. I tried going up for sports."

"Aw, well." Vexen cleared his throat as Carson stood.

"Carson, meet Alice Catherine Meridian, aka Lissa. She's your worse nightmare."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

So what did you think? R&R.


	6. The MuchAwaited Finale OR Kickball

Holy shit, ya'll.

It's been a while. I'm just letting you know now that I understand that you all hate me for making you wait 2 and a half years for this fic.

Now, without further ado, the finale of Little Superior Dude.

Chapter 6

The Super Epic Amazing Awesome Kickball Game of DEATH

Two weeks had passed. Two long, arduous weeks. Vexen was starting to get a bit nervous about his plan. Also Alice had completely fucked up the castle. Purple walls. Purple ceiling. Purple everything. With little chibi skulls. Oh, what fun!

"Even, is there any more purple paint?" Oh yeah. There was that other small annoyance that she would call the original six by their old names just to piss them off. Even though it only really pissed off Vexen.

"How many times do I have to tell you, young lady? My name is Vexen, and you will address me as such."

"You are also a faggot, and I can melt you in case you have forgotten. You guys molded Axel's powers after mine, right? Well ain't no goddamn carbon copy gonna beat the real thing, dahlin."

"Didn't we teach you _grammar_?"

"Didn't I teach you _fail_?" She smirked and walked away. Alice Catherine was a smart little girl. She had a lot of sway over the castle, and she knew it. She knew she could just leave if she wanted to. But no, it was more fun to watch Xaldin, Vexen, Zexion, Saix, and Marluxia squirm. She had gotten into an alliance with the only other female in the house, Larxene, and they were now in all out war with the boys: Carson, Axel, Demyx, and Roxas. What they lacked in number they made up for in strategy, firepower, and ingenuity. Alice's fire was cancelled out by Demyx's water, so Larxene was always quick on the draw with her electricity. As for Axel and Roxas, Axel knew that he and Alice would have as much leverage on each other as two Wobbuffets fighting, so he focused on Larxene, while Roxas would just trip Alice or do some other inane crap with his Keyblade just to piss them off. As for the other Organization members, they either knew they could do nothing to stop it, or they didn't mind it.

However, after the end of two weeks, Lexaeus, Xigbar, and Luxord had also agreed that Alice's stay was beginning to be a problem.

Thus the decision for another meeting was made.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—oo—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

"I believe this has gotten to be a bit much, you two." Vexen was the one sitting in Xemnas's usual position, and Carson and Alice were sitting on two floating chairs across from him. As the two teenagers were already quite used to standard principal's office procedure, neither of them said a word.

"I addressed you. For the love of God you flap your lips when no one wants to hear it but when someone actually speaks to you you're silent." Carson and Alice looked at each other distastefully.

"She's a dumb bitch." He said first.

"And you're a stupid shallow chauvinist piggy." She stuck her tongue out. Xigbar looked impressed with her comeback.

"Touché, dudette." Vexen looked at him sharply.

"You're _encouraging_ their behavior. I suppose you think what the boys did to Zexion was OK, then?" Xigbar cleared his throat.

"It was mighty cool but Little Emo Bro got seriously messed up by it. So…I dunno, dude. And Little Rocker Chick has, like, her own style, so I dunno why you have such a prob with it, ya old fart." Vexen blinked, and turned his attention to Larxene, on his far right.

"And you are encouraging Miss Alice's behavior." He said to her sharply. "You should try to be a better role model, Number XI."

"And you aren't exactly doing much to stop it, are you? Not that you could. Two years have gone by in Alice's time. And she's matured, along with her power. She is fifteen now, and we can't exactly just send her back. Plus, wasn't this whole thing about getting Xemmy back? So far it just looks like you brought her back for…ah…recruitment purposes? You won't steal the poor girl's heart, will you? Or could it be…that she is the last thing connecting you to your old existence and therefore want to use her to get Kingdom Hearts."

"Whoa, girlie, shit just got a lot more sinister than it was earlier." Xaldin said. "We don't intend to use Mademoiselle Meridian for purposes relating to Kingdom Hearts. She will be going back as soon as we can give Number I his antidote." Vexen nodded.

"Of course we aren't using her for Kingdom Hearts. She just isn't doing what we intended her to do, so the process is taking a bit longer. And you've taken advantage of her, Larxene." Carson rolled his eyes.

"You know this is never, ever going to work, right? So just give up. We outnumber all of you, your little 6th-grade-like cliques. You've got the two sluts thinking that just cause Alice has someone that can beat water they are automatically amazing, you've got the old men and Emo Boy bitching and getting their panties in a bunch for no damn reason, and there's Pirate, Custard, and the huge guy who don't even really give a damn. Plus we've got younger, stronger, _studly_ bods. Just _give up_, old man." Zexion snarled. Then he smiled a sly, sardonic smile.

"I don't hold any of this against you, old friend." He turned to Demyx and Axel.

"But I can almost guarantee that you two will have hell to pay. And if I believe Xemnas is being too light on the punishment, I personally will make sure you will be very docile creatures." A chill ran up Axel's spine, but Demyx nudged him in the ribs.

"And if Zexion doesn't," Said Saix, smiling a crazed loon's mile, "…I will kill you and dump your bodies somewhere." Now it was Demyx's turn to be frightened. But Axel knew they had to be strong.

"Can't we just have a compromise or something?" Demyx nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, we let one of them stay over the other. Or something. That way we only have one teen to deal with." Vexen rubbed his temples, deeply troubled by Demyx's stupidity.

"…no, Number IX. I already told you that Alice is staying temporarily, just until the antidote is taken. Carson, if you really want the constant war to end, why don't you just take the antidote."

"I never said I wanted anything to end. I said I wanted to win. Winning and ending go hand and hand, yo." Alice and Carson looked at each other distastefully yet again.

"All right, I have something that can settle this." Alice said finally. Vexen leaned forward.

"Any of you guys ever heard of kickball?"

o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Apparently Roxas had. And Axel. And Demyx. Carson was a supposed "king" at it, so it left the matchup uneven.

"Well I'm just going to bring in people from my world, then. Ya know, to beat your ass with."

There was to be 9 people on each team. Since there were 12 remaining organization members plus Alice that meant Alice got to bring in 6 other people for her team and pick two other Organization members. Larxene was a given for her. But for her other choice, it left the rest of them scratching their heads.

"I pick Zexion." Lexaeus nearly fell off his chair. Carson laughed.

"Ha. Good luck with that." Demyx nodded.

"Yeah. Zexion's the least athletic out of all of us. We'll make sure him and the pavement have a lovely honeymoon." The boys laughed at their little joke. Alice shook her head.

"You are absolutely going to see how badly you underestimate poor Emo Boy." The boys all looked at each other and laughed.

"Whatever, little girl." Carson said.

Oh how very wrong he was.

The six people that Alice had chosen were a mixed bag of people. There was a wiry Asian boy, a tall boy with glasses, and a Greek-looking girl with a voluptuous body, all in some sort of Navy uniform. The other three were even odder. There was a ginger boy with a camera; a blonde, pale boy with a yo-yo in his hand; and a full-figured, bespectacled girl with a mess of dyed red hair. Carson couldn't contain himself and had joined the other young men on the floor laughing.

"You would think that she brought someone who was at least half of Lexaeus's size." Demyx said with a hearty guffaw. Alice looked at the yo-yo kid and they smiled.

"As you know, I've been in close contact with those from my world. These are my closest friends, and they are also the ones that are going to beat your asses. So learn their names: Ryan." The Asian kid saluted.

"Kelton." The boy with the glasses tipped them and bowed.

"Coryander, more commonly known as Cory." The girl in uniform smiled.

"Glenn." Camera kid took a picture of the Organization, and then howled in anger as his film melted.

"Idiot. I told you no pictures. Anyway, the cutie pie is Keith. With the yo-yos." The boy turned deep crimson and fiddled around with a black yo-yo.

"And finally, we have Britney, more commonly known as Schittler." The other girl giggled. Carson rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. All you need to know is my name. I'm Carson, by the way, Carson Davis. Nice ass." He said to Cory, who made a rude hand gesture at him in response. Alice rolled her eyes as they both walked to the middle of the field. Vexen rolled his eyes and was in the middle with them

"Clean game, you two. Got it? If Alice loses she goes home. If Carson loses, he takes the medicine." They nodded fiercely.

"The rules are that you can use anything you possess as a weapon as long as actual elemental attacks are unused. For example, Demyx could hit you over the head with his sitar, Alice, but he wouldn't be able to drown you." She nodded.

"Deal."

"Now shake." Carson tried a show of intimidation by crushing Alice's hand in his, but suddenly noticed a burning sensation in his fingers.

"OUCH! WHAT THE HELL, ALICE? THAT ISN'T FAIR!" Alice smiled nonchalantly.

"My body kind of reacts that way when it thinks it's in danger. Shouldn't have tried to break my fingers, petulant child." They walked to their respected places: Alice in the outfield and Carson up to kick.

"Let's go."

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-

They were to go in order of their Organization numbers, so Carson went first. Since Alice was the team captain, she pitched. She bounced the red rubber ball impatiently.

"All right, loser. You can have Fast and Furious, Fast and Smooth, Slow and Bumpy, or Slow and Smooth."

"Slow and smooth, baybay." He said, winking at her. She rolled her eyes and did what he asked. He kicked the ball on _just_ the right spot extremely hard, sending it flying out where no one could see it. His team all cheered as he skipped through the bases. He was overly dramatic at home, sliding into it as Axel and Demyx made safe signals and screamed "THE BOY IS SAFE!" and as Zexion looked nervously at Alice.

"We need a team huddle." Vexen nodded.

"I'll allow." Alice called her team in.

"OK, you guys, you might be a little discouraged after that. But Carson is going to be the only one we have to worry about, I promise. I only gave Carson the option of the pitch because it's common courtesy to give the first kick of the game an option. They're playing a Powerhouse game, hoping to score home runs on every kick. But we're trying to play a strategy game." She turned to Zexion and Keith.

"…that's why you two are here. Now I have a few things to suggest about the next few pitches…"

They talked for another 5 minutes until Carson and the boys were beginning to get testy.

"COME ON, WOMAN! I WANNA PLAY SOME KICKBALL!" Axel yelled. Vexen nodded.

"Alice, your time is up. She nodded back.

"OK!" Her team returned to their positions as Xigbar went to kick.

"All right, little dudette, show me whatcha got!" She shifted her body to the left, meaning she would pitch to Xigbar's right…

…which is where the eye patch was…

"OY!" He swung his foot and completely missed, falling over.

"FOUL!" The boys cried, looking at Vexen furiously. Vexen shook his head.

"The rules don't say that an opposing team can't use a handicap on one's team to their advantage. That would be a strike." The outfielders cheered, and Xigbar missed two more times.

Vexen kicked a fly ball, easily caught by Ryan, and Demyx actually had a pretty good kick but Keith used the strings of his yo-yo to catch it.

They applied this same strategy to when they were up to kick, and at the end of 8 innings they were tied, 11-11.

Alice bounced the ball on the pavement again. Bases were loaded and Carson was waiting for her to pitch.

"If we get a triple play its game over. How about that?" Carson smirked confidently.

"Sure, but let's kick it up a notch. Even if you catch the ball, you have to tag all four of us out before we get back to home. You're up against me, Roxas, Axel, and Demyx. You wanna take that chance?" Alice nodded, clearly determined, and gave Carson a fast and furious pitch.

What happened next would at least go into Zexion's lexicon, if not the history books. Carson took off running toward first, thinking that Zexion, who had retrieved the ball, would go for him. Instead, he _glided_ effortlessly at Roxas and pegged him so hard that the poor boy fell onto the ground.

"KELTON! CATCH THE DAMNED BALL!" Kelton caught the ball and, seeing that Axel was a mere couple feet from home, ripped his name badge off his shirt, and threw it at Axel's foot. One flash of light and loud slap sound later, and Axel was clutching his foot and jumping up and down. Kelton threw the ball next, hitting Axel in the arm. Demyx was halfway between second and third at this time, and Kelton thought fast, passing the ball to Larxene, who threw a knife at Demyx. Frightened, Demyx jumped back…right into the ball in Larxene's hand. Finally, Larxene looked at her options, because after all this, Carson was still on the move to home. Keith looked at Larxene, and then at Alice, whom Larxene seemed to want to throw the ball to, and who was also a tired, bloody mess.

"LARXENE! ALICE IS DONE FOR THE DAY! PASS TO ME!" Alice was dazed but nodded. Meanwhile, Keith was hatching a plot which would involve his yo-yos.

"I got it." The ball soared into his hands, and a yo-yo soared through the air. Carson dodged it easily.

"HA! YOUR LITTLE BOYFRIEND IS SUCH A DORK! HE MISSED SUCH AN EASY SHOT!" Keith smirked. Carson was still laughing…

…until he tripped over the wire.

The laughter died as Carson fell on his face. Keith looked at Alice.

"Think you can do it?" He asked. She nodded, stood up a little taller, caught the ball that Keith had thrown to her, and bolted toward Carson, who wasn't even trying to get up.

She tagged him, and Axel and Demyx just about peed themselves.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o—o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"A deal's a deal, and as much as I'm gonna miss you guys I'm a man of my word." Carson said firmly. Roxas's face fell as Vexen and Zexion grinned, carrying Alice into the castle. Axel and Demyx had permanent looks of horror on their face. Roxas would get off easy, they knew, because he didn't really do anything besides laugh at the jokes. But the two of them were going to be in serious trouble when Xemnas was back.

Serious, serious trouble.

It took a few hours to clean up the mess that both children had made, but in the end everything was pretty much back to normal and Carson was being led down to Vexen's lab. Alice was directly behind them with the boys, who wanted to say their last goodbyes, and then Saix and Zexion, who just wanted to see Xemnas go back to normal for punishment time.

"All right you, I decided to give you the liberty of drinking it instead of having it injected." Vexen said. Carson, hands shaking, took the vial. Then he paused.

"I have one condition if I do this. You have to tell me when I go back to normal that I gave my word that at least Roxas wouldn't be punished for any of this, OK? You have to tell me that I gave my word that Axel and Demyx wouldn't be punished too badly, OK? And you have to answer this question for me before I go." Demyx, a real tear going down his cheek (gah, writer's license), smiled.

"What's that, bud?"

"Am I really _that_ much of a prick when I get older? And…and how'd I get here?" Demyx looked at Axel and shook his head. They really took Xemnas for granted sometimes.

"Nah. We're just this horrible to you most of the time. You know how we've been treating Zexion and Vexen? Well normally we have to save it all for you." Carson nodded, and Vexen cleared his throat.

"As for how you got here, most of the circumstances are unknown. Ansem the Wise found you lying on a beach at the age of 17 and rechristened you Xehanort. And then this happened. We all didn't start out like this. This is just proof…we all didn't start out like this…" Vexen looked at his hands. Carson knew that the "emotion", if you could call it that, in the room was getting to be too much, so he smiled.

"Cheers, guys." He downed the vial. Then he got this weird look on his face.

"Um." He crumpled to the floor. Demyx sprung into action, grabbing Vexen by the robes.

"ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU DIDN'T GIVE HIM POISON, OLD MAN?" Vexen shoved Demyx off him.

"I assure you I would not do something that would royally screw us all over." Demyx looked behind him at Axel and Roxas but could see from their crestfallen faces that the antidote had worked.

Xemnas was approximately twenty-eight years old again. It was over.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

_2 weeks later_

Zexion waited outside of the meeting, hardly able to contain his glee after telling Xemnas what had happened in his, ah, "absence", so to speak. After about twenty minutes, Axel and Demyx walked out, their faces etched with deep understanding. The Cloaked Schemer jumped up in anticipation.

"SO? How long? How long will you be starved? Is the Superior hanging you by your toenails in the library?" Demyx looked up at Zexion, half smiling.

"We're really sorry about your nose, man. It was a cruel thing to do." He said thickly.

"Yeah, we promise we won't do anything that horrible to you ever again." Axel said next with a mixed expression on his face. Zexion's sardonic grin faded a bit.

"Wait. What? What did he say to you two?" As the rest of the Organization filed out, Zexion found Xemnas. They looked at each other pensively.

"I've punished them enough, Zexion. Just as much as they've punished me. But they did also help." Zexion's eyebrows rose.

"Oh? And how's that?" Xemnas smiled.

"Carson had two best friends. Leonard, also known as Lea, and Theodore Medy. Who was called by his family name." They looked at each other again.

"Perhaps we can get them to make another batch of that stuff…" Zexion's brain was already hatching an idea, but Xemnas raised his hand.

"No. We just got that little bitch Alice out of here."

_Fin._

So. Yeah. Shitty ending. It's probably gonna be a huge disappointment, but I do love and appreciate each and every person who reviewed this fic.

PEACE OUT.


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